humiliation
I met with birdlady today. Can I just tell you that I hate birdlady more than I've ever hated anybody? Can I tell you that birdlady is the biggest bully and if I could kick her in the stomach I would? Can I tell you that, rather than kicking her in the stomach, what I actually want to do when I'm with her is curl into a fetal ball and cry?
Today birdlady was a big mean bully and she added new levels of humiliation, including criticizing my clothes and patronizing me about dressing and acting like a grown-up. Just when I thought all my dignity was gone, she decided to also critique my diction. Apparantly, when I'm being mercilessly humiliated, my mind sort of goes blank and the word of assent that comes robotically out of my mouth is "gotcha." As in, "gotcha, you think my clothes are sloppy, gotcha, I need different shoes, gotcha the bookbag is out and the leather breifcase is in," when, in the back of my mind, I'm screaming: "YOU ARE THE MOST SLOVENLY PERSON I KNOW, HOW DARE YOU TELL ME MY 'DRESS-CASUAL' ISN'T DRESSY ENOUGH! YOU WEAR T-SHIRTS UNDER CHEAP BLAZERS WITH JEANS AND SNEAKERS TO THE OFFICE!!!"
Anyway, birdlady doesn't like "gotcha." It drives her nuts. Sure, maybe "gotcha" is annoying, I had no idea I was saying it. However, I think it was a bit much for birdlady to make me sit back down with her so she could write "gotcha" on a peice of paper, then cross it off and write seven different examples of things that were appropriate for me to say. "Ok," was at the top of the list. As in, "Ok, how'd you like your ass-handed to you right now, you mean and nasty sack of shit? Ok, I'll take all that under advisement while I'm firebombing your house tonight."
AUGH!!!!!! WHAT A COLOSSAL ASSHOLE!!!
Today birdlady was a big mean bully and she added new levels of humiliation, including criticizing my clothes and patronizing me about dressing and acting like a grown-up. Just when I thought all my dignity was gone, she decided to also critique my diction. Apparantly, when I'm being mercilessly humiliated, my mind sort of goes blank and the word of assent that comes robotically out of my mouth is "gotcha." As in, "gotcha, you think my clothes are sloppy, gotcha, I need different shoes, gotcha the bookbag is out and the leather breifcase is in," when, in the back of my mind, I'm screaming: "YOU ARE THE MOST SLOVENLY PERSON I KNOW, HOW DARE YOU TELL ME MY 'DRESS-CASUAL' ISN'T DRESSY ENOUGH! YOU WEAR T-SHIRTS UNDER CHEAP BLAZERS WITH JEANS AND SNEAKERS TO THE OFFICE!!!"
Anyway, birdlady doesn't like "gotcha." It drives her nuts. Sure, maybe "gotcha" is annoying, I had no idea I was saying it. However, I think it was a bit much for birdlady to make me sit back down with her so she could write "gotcha" on a peice of paper, then cross it off and write seven different examples of things that were appropriate for me to say. "Ok," was at the top of the list. As in, "Ok, how'd you like your ass-handed to you right now, you mean and nasty sack of shit? Ok, I'll take all that under advisement while I'm firebombing your house tonight."
AUGH!!!!!! WHAT A COLOSSAL ASSHOLE!!!
posted by reasonably prudent poet at 4:25 PM
4 Comments:
christ!
and even bringing him in isn't quite right..
this is not right
bullying is not right
humiliation is complicated, a complicated process
please take care with all this
go slow if you can
something weird is happening there...
sorry that she is such a nightmare
what a teacher
like a story from zen or something...
hang in there
tuftster
wow, poet,
you sure are taking too much from her.
and you sure are angry like hell.
why do you HAVE to take all this shit and humiliation again? [sorry i don't know your whole story with the 'birdlady', why you call her that and why she's such a bitch]
is there absolutely no way to stop her, even if you have to draw administrative attention to her? she clearly needs some sensitivity training at the very least.
apparently she has a lot of issues of her own and have found a perfect way to project them onto you, but i say you don't deserve to be her venting hole. and you don't have to take it.
or do you? [i mean, by virtue of circumstances; obligations...]
skyscraper: i call her birdlady b/c she has pet birds. when my internship was starting, she was in between offices and working out of her condo, so i had to meet w/ her there. we spent huge portions of our time together cooing over the birds, which made me crazy.
but read on -- i'm rid of her. i took care of it all. yay!
yay for you, indeed then, girl!
bravo, now you're free! damn, it must feel good.
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