i'm a crush machine
I love school. I'm aware that this represents a complete about-face from last semester, but it's a very welcome attitude-change, believe me. I had about 6 hours of sleep last night, I'm exhausted, and I just got back from my 9am Comparative Criminal Procedure seminar. I've got four hours before I have to start my next shift at work and I'm too jacked up on coffee to take a nap, so I'll write a blog instead.
I have a minor crush on my prof. Very minor, but the fact of its mere existence says a lot about me and my oversimplified emotional responses to the world. This prof, we'll call her EagleEye Goldberg, is pretty great. I had her two years ago for Criminal Procedure and I loved her fierce style and intellect. Lots of people were scared of her, but I thought she was awesome. Back then, she had a very short, severe haircut that emphasized her sharp eyes and slanted eyebrows and otherwise eagley features. I realize now that her short hair also gave her the atmosphere of advanced age and a particular kind of stern eldership.
Well. I haven't seen EagleEye in quite a while (I think she was on sabbatical last semester working on a law review article) and I hardly recognized her when she walked into class this morning. Her once cropped little helmet of hair had grown into a cascade of chin-length, sandy brown curls which she kept endearingly poking behind her ears throughout class. Wow! She looks about fifteen years younger, much softer, and oh-so-cute. She's still fierce and there's definitely still an eagle beneath those curly locks, but the difference is pretty incredible.
Amazing to me to think about appearance and how our appearance informs the world about us. But more interesting for me to think about my simple, almost peurile, approach to the world. I'd like to think more about why I'm just as likely to feel a crush spark into existence rather than just a simple appreciation or respect. What does it mean to have a crush on someone? What is a "crush"? What is it to access the energy of a crush? Stuff to think about.
I have a minor crush on my prof. Very minor, but the fact of its mere existence says a lot about me and my oversimplified emotional responses to the world. This prof, we'll call her EagleEye Goldberg, is pretty great. I had her two years ago for Criminal Procedure and I loved her fierce style and intellect. Lots of people were scared of her, but I thought she was awesome. Back then, she had a very short, severe haircut that emphasized her sharp eyes and slanted eyebrows and otherwise eagley features. I realize now that her short hair also gave her the atmosphere of advanced age and a particular kind of stern eldership.
Well. I haven't seen EagleEye in quite a while (I think she was on sabbatical last semester working on a law review article) and I hardly recognized her when she walked into class this morning. Her once cropped little helmet of hair had grown into a cascade of chin-length, sandy brown curls which she kept endearingly poking behind her ears throughout class. Wow! She looks about fifteen years younger, much softer, and oh-so-cute. She's still fierce and there's definitely still an eagle beneath those curly locks, but the difference is pretty incredible.
Amazing to me to think about appearance and how our appearance informs the world about us. But more interesting for me to think about my simple, almost peurile, approach to the world. I'd like to think more about why I'm just as likely to feel a crush spark into existence rather than just a simple appreciation or respect. What does it mean to have a crush on someone? What is a "crush"? What is it to access the energy of a crush? Stuff to think about.
posted by reasonably prudent poet at 12:11 PM
2 Comments:
my guesses:
a "crush" can be a longing for something of the other - a wanting whatever it is that the 'other' has that is in background of the crush, so it can be worth going into exactly what it is about the 'other' that is crush material.
the word 'crush' itself is an interesting thing to explore too - why not 'attraction' or 'inspired by'?
you say that you love "her fierce style and intellect" - perhaps after your summer slump your own fierce style and intellect is craving attention, longing for love, aching for action and physically turned on and awakened.
that or perhaps she is also your kind of a woman, someone to be turned on by, drawn towards, wanted to be seen by, absorbed into...
we have a teacher at school who everyone i know had some crush or other on over the course of their studies. i used to study what it was that we all felt so turned on by - turned out we all had our own versions of an answer, but it was fun to share our diverse projections on this beacon of our studies!
thanks stumpy. :-) i came to roughly the same conclusion on my cushion just now. the crush feeling is a spark of inspiration that gets turned on by something desireable in the other person. i get a crush-feeling when i see something in someone else that i want to incorporate. on it's face, the crush is a physical pull. i literally want to get closer to that person. but deeper, i want to become something of that person. the things that inspire crushes are the next things i'm wanting, on a deep level, to grow into.
you'll have to tell me later who the crushable teacher at school is. :-) i'm curious.
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