the power of positive thinking
About eight years ago, I was living in Columbus, OH and working for Goodwill Columbus, a branch of Goodwill Industries. I worked for a program that provided day services for "elderly" adults (over 50) with developmental disabilities. I was a workshop instructor in a sheltered workshop. Our program was well-funded and we were well trained.
One day, we had a training. There were about sixty of us from all the different programs run under the umbrella of Goodwill Columbus, and we were all gathered into this huge and rarely used day room in our building. We sat around tables, naturally falling out into our little cliques, and a private (motivational-type) speaker held court at the front of the room. The first thing he did was ask for a volunteer who was immediately sent out of the room.
He said, "Ok, there goes Bill, out in the hall. I don't know Bill, but you all do. Think about what a great guy Bill is. Think about all the things you really like about Bill, all the times he's helped you out, all the nice things he's done, the good things you've seen him do with clients. Think about how much you like him. When Bill comes back in, I want you all to focus all that good feeling on Bill. Don't smile at him, don't say anything to him, just think those good thoughts and whatever I ask him to do, believe he'll be able to do it."
I'm sure I rolled my eyes, but I dutifully imagined good things about Bill and when Bill came back in I made an effort to focus good thoughts on him. At the front of the room, the speaker welcomed Bill back to the room and said, "This might seem strange, but just trust me and I'll explain it later." Then he posed some minor act of strength for Bill to accomplish. I think it was a resistance exercise, where Bill held his arm out and the speaker tried to push it down. Bill had to resist and, with all our good vibes flowing toward him, Bill did a stellar job. We all clapped and Bill was again sent out of the room.
This time, the speaker said, "OK, bear with me, but now I want you to forget all that good stuff about Bill. I mean, really, after all, Bill is just a jerk. He's lazy and sloppy and he's always late. Think about all the little annoying things you know about Bill, all the times he didn't help you out, all the times he was rude to you, all the nasty things you've ever heard him say. If you've never heard Bill say anything nasty, just make something up. It doesn't matter if it's true, what matters is that you think about what a jerk Bill is. He really sucks. When he comes back in, just think really hard about how much he sucks. Don't frown at him, or give him the evil eye, just think about it and when I ask him to resist this time, believe in your heart that he will fail."
Bill came back in, smiling. Bill went to the front of the room. Bill failed.
Ok, sure, there are explanations. Maybe the speaker was in collusion with Bill and Bill just played it like he'd been asked to play it. Or maybe the speaker didn't try as hard the first time, so it only looked like bill prevailed. Maybe. But I don't think so. I think we pick up on other people's feelings about us, good or bad, and I think those feelings affect us whether we realize it or not. I walked into work the other day and felt immediately uncomfortable. I felt paranoid and awkward around my coworkers, though I couldn't put my finger on why. I learned later that everybody was annoyed with me for something I did the day before, something I hadn't realized was a problem. Nobody had to say anything about it, I could just feel that something wasn't right.
Why do I pontificate on this? Lots of reasons. Partly to remind myself not to dwell on shitty thoughts about other people because those thoughts have an effect, not just on the other people, but on me too. Dwelling on shitty thoughts just amplifies the shittiness, and I don't need amplified shittiness in my life anymore than anybody else does. I also think this is a really interesting demonstration of the power of our human communality. Even when we don't identify with our group, we are still affected by it. That's a powerful concept and I want to always be aware of it. I tend to live "in my head" a lot and I often think of myself as being all alone in there. In reality, I am never alone. I am always held in the context of some human group. I would like to try and stop forgetting that. I would like other people to become aware of it too.
I also want to say that I turned on the comment moderation feature because a disgruntled reader posted me some more meanspirited comments. The anonymity (and also probably the immediacy) of the internet gives people a sense of abandon I don't think they would have in face to face discussions. I try not to write meanspirited blog posts (though I've been guilty of a few snarky moments) and I don't want my blog to be a forum for anyone else's meanspiritedness via the comment section. Respectful comments will be posted no matter how critical they might be. Nasty comments will be deleted.
One day, we had a training. There were about sixty of us from all the different programs run under the umbrella of Goodwill Columbus, and we were all gathered into this huge and rarely used day room in our building. We sat around tables, naturally falling out into our little cliques, and a private (motivational-type) speaker held court at the front of the room. The first thing he did was ask for a volunteer who was immediately sent out of the room.
He said, "Ok, there goes Bill, out in the hall. I don't know Bill, but you all do. Think about what a great guy Bill is. Think about all the things you really like about Bill, all the times he's helped you out, all the nice things he's done, the good things you've seen him do with clients. Think about how much you like him. When Bill comes back in, I want you all to focus all that good feeling on Bill. Don't smile at him, don't say anything to him, just think those good thoughts and whatever I ask him to do, believe he'll be able to do it."
I'm sure I rolled my eyes, but I dutifully imagined good things about Bill and when Bill came back in I made an effort to focus good thoughts on him. At the front of the room, the speaker welcomed Bill back to the room and said, "This might seem strange, but just trust me and I'll explain it later." Then he posed some minor act of strength for Bill to accomplish. I think it was a resistance exercise, where Bill held his arm out and the speaker tried to push it down. Bill had to resist and, with all our good vibes flowing toward him, Bill did a stellar job. We all clapped and Bill was again sent out of the room.
This time, the speaker said, "OK, bear with me, but now I want you to forget all that good stuff about Bill. I mean, really, after all, Bill is just a jerk. He's lazy and sloppy and he's always late. Think about all the little annoying things you know about Bill, all the times he didn't help you out, all the times he was rude to you, all the nasty things you've ever heard him say. If you've never heard Bill say anything nasty, just make something up. It doesn't matter if it's true, what matters is that you think about what a jerk Bill is. He really sucks. When he comes back in, just think really hard about how much he sucks. Don't frown at him, or give him the evil eye, just think about it and when I ask him to resist this time, believe in your heart that he will fail."
Bill came back in, smiling. Bill went to the front of the room. Bill failed.
Ok, sure, there are explanations. Maybe the speaker was in collusion with Bill and Bill just played it like he'd been asked to play it. Or maybe the speaker didn't try as hard the first time, so it only looked like bill prevailed. Maybe. But I don't think so. I think we pick up on other people's feelings about us, good or bad, and I think those feelings affect us whether we realize it or not. I walked into work the other day and felt immediately uncomfortable. I felt paranoid and awkward around my coworkers, though I couldn't put my finger on why. I learned later that everybody was annoyed with me for something I did the day before, something I hadn't realized was a problem. Nobody had to say anything about it, I could just feel that something wasn't right.
Why do I pontificate on this? Lots of reasons. Partly to remind myself not to dwell on shitty thoughts about other people because those thoughts have an effect, not just on the other people, but on me too. Dwelling on shitty thoughts just amplifies the shittiness, and I don't need amplified shittiness in my life anymore than anybody else does. I also think this is a really interesting demonstration of the power of our human communality. Even when we don't identify with our group, we are still affected by it. That's a powerful concept and I want to always be aware of it. I tend to live "in my head" a lot and I often think of myself as being all alone in there. In reality, I am never alone. I am always held in the context of some human group. I would like to try and stop forgetting that. I would like other people to become aware of it too.
I also want to say that I turned on the comment moderation feature because a disgruntled reader posted me some more meanspirited comments. The anonymity (and also probably the immediacy) of the internet gives people a sense of abandon I don't think they would have in face to face discussions. I try not to write meanspirited blog posts (though I've been guilty of a few snarky moments) and I don't want my blog to be a forum for anyone else's meanspiritedness via the comment section. Respectful comments will be posted no matter how critical they might be. Nasty comments will be deleted.
posted by reasonably prudent poet at 12:31 PM
1 Comments:
you alright, babe. Yes the story of Aleks was true.
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