singularity

I have been happily single for several months now and happily living alone for almost two years, but just now, watching a movie ("The Lives of Others") I realize what I miss. I don't always miss it, just sometimes, like now when I'm tired and feeling a little funky, like my dinner isn't sitting well on my stomach and I had a long day, etc, etc. What I miss is the ampleness of time. There is a scene in this movie, after the main character's birthday party, he is sifting through his gifts while his girlfriend lounges in the background on a couch watching him. There is a sweet leisure in the way they smile and talk and enjoy each other in that slightly removed way -- he is across the room, facing away from her -- there's no pressure, no rush. They aren't on a date that will soon end. The girlfriend isn't waiting to gather up her things at the end of the evening and shlep them back over to her apartment across town. They have the freedom to stand apart, face away from each other, enjoy each other without plugging fully in, because they have time. They will be there all night, they will go to bed together, they will wake up in the morning and on and on and that feels really lovely right now. Often for me it isn't appealing. I want my space, I'm happy to shlep myself back to my apartment at the end of the date, etc. But, at some point in the not so distant future, I wouldn't mind spending maybe an entire 24-hour period with someone again. Just so I could relax a little. I think that would be nice.

Reminds me of that Bjork song "Possibly Maybe," -- wonderful (if cumbersome) lyric: "As much as I definitely enjoy solitude, I wouldn't mind, perhaps, spending a little time with you..." It seems a little clunky, but she makes it work. Anyway, I don't have the "you" clearly defined as of yet, but I have a couple candidates. We'll see what happens.