sinking

My mental health is at an unusual low. Just had another run-in with birdlady and I'm not feeling quite so optimistic about it this time. First of all, over the past five days, I've spent 32 hours working on an appellate brief that, in every incarnation, sucks completely. Last week, when my brief sucked, I felt invigorated by birdlady's brutal criticism. This week, the magnitude of suckiness displayed in my brief wasn't invigorating to anybody. We were both, I think, surprised and disappointed. Birdlady didn't say it, exactly. But it was all over her toady little face. And then, over a terrible happy-hour meal down at the bar underneath her new office, she more than halved the amount she was offering to pay me this summer. Ouch. I'm not feeling like the luckiest girl in school anymore. I'm feeling like the biggest, miserable-ist chump. I hate this work and I never want to see it again. What the fuck am I doing with my life?

This malaise is exacerbated by SK's impending departure for Australia. Less than a week away, now. Fuck. I feel the joy draining out of my life. I know. Dramatic. But that's how I'm feeling.