what i know now
Tonight I skipped my 6-8 class and went grocery shopping instead. The overwhelm of my daily obligations got the better of me and I had to take a time-out. I bought a bunch of shit I needed but hadn't planned on getting (two good knives, an extension cord) and a pair of bright orange cotton socks that I never would've guessed would end up in my basket, but alas...
I was standing in produce, eventually, deciding between green and red leaf lettuce, when an old guy in a wheelchair waved me down. He was way over on the other side of produce and for some reason I looked up and when I looked up, he waved at me. I kept looking at him and he kept waving. So I walked over to him. I didn't know why he was waving at me, but I had guesses: maybe he needed help reaching the oranges? Maybe he took me for an employee? Maybe he was just senile and wanted some company.
I went up to him and asked if he needed help w/ anything. He smiled and said "Oh, what I need is my wife. A good woman like my wife... but she passed away." I swear to god, I almost started crying on the spot. He wasn't senile and he didn't need help with anything. He was just lonely. So I chatted with him a minute. I figured out that he'd been parked in produce by some guy who took him shopping, though I still can't guess why he waved at me of all the people in the store. I was so far away from him and I don't think I look particularly inviting -- w/ my beat-up old Carhartt's and my steel-toed, oxblood Doc Martens, I look like I ought to be spanging in Pioneer Square, not glad-handing old people at the supermarket. But there I was. Sweet old man. He said, wistfully, "... so... if you ever lose your wife..." and he looked at me and smiled a sad smile and I wanted to know what came, for him, at the end of that ellipses... But I didn't ask. In fact, I cut it short sooner than I should have and I've been feeling kind of sad about it ever since. He waved me down for a reason. I hope he got what he was after.
Made me think about the impact of time on relationships. Thinking about SK, so far away, so new in my life. Despite the fact that I've known her for a couple of years and had a huge crush on her for most of that time -- that's practically meaningless in this sense of time. Real contact, meaningful, regular contact over time -- you just grow together. Like the trunks of two trees will sort of meld into each other over the years, becoming one. No amount of initial chemistry or attraction or commonalities or shared interests or fantastic dates or stellar conversations can create that same level of intimacy. Only time.
Looking forward to time with SK. Looking forward to an intentional, conscious, awake, alert and sober trip down that path. I want to know every inch of it, every bump and glitch, every breathtaking view, every pebble and twig. I want all of it.
I was standing in produce, eventually, deciding between green and red leaf lettuce, when an old guy in a wheelchair waved me down. He was way over on the other side of produce and for some reason I looked up and when I looked up, he waved at me. I kept looking at him and he kept waving. So I walked over to him. I didn't know why he was waving at me, but I had guesses: maybe he needed help reaching the oranges? Maybe he took me for an employee? Maybe he was just senile and wanted some company.
I went up to him and asked if he needed help w/ anything. He smiled and said "Oh, what I need is my wife. A good woman like my wife... but she passed away." I swear to god, I almost started crying on the spot. He wasn't senile and he didn't need help with anything. He was just lonely. So I chatted with him a minute. I figured out that he'd been parked in produce by some guy who took him shopping, though I still can't guess why he waved at me of all the people in the store. I was so far away from him and I don't think I look particularly inviting -- w/ my beat-up old Carhartt's and my steel-toed, oxblood Doc Martens, I look like I ought to be spanging in Pioneer Square, not glad-handing old people at the supermarket. But there I was. Sweet old man. He said, wistfully, "... so... if you ever lose your wife..." and he looked at me and smiled a sad smile and I wanted to know what came, for him, at the end of that ellipses... But I didn't ask. In fact, I cut it short sooner than I should have and I've been feeling kind of sad about it ever since. He waved me down for a reason. I hope he got what he was after.
Made me think about the impact of time on relationships. Thinking about SK, so far away, so new in my life. Despite the fact that I've known her for a couple of years and had a huge crush on her for most of that time -- that's practically meaningless in this sense of time. Real contact, meaningful, regular contact over time -- you just grow together. Like the trunks of two trees will sort of meld into each other over the years, becoming one. No amount of initial chemistry or attraction or commonalities or shared interests or fantastic dates or stellar conversations can create that same level of intimacy. Only time.
Looking forward to time with SK. Looking forward to an intentional, conscious, awake, alert and sober trip down that path. I want to know every inch of it, every bump and glitch, every breathtaking view, every pebble and twig. I want all of it.
posted by reasonably prudent poet at 10:39 PM
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