Thursday, April 20, 2006

hangin on the telephone

Last night, as I was just laying down to go to sleep, CB called. I saw her name on my phone, let it ring twice, debated, then answered anyway. Ah, CB. She sounded moderately drunk, but held it together for a long while, asking me mundane questions. When she started asking about my family, she started breaking down a little -- quiet crying in the background as I gave her updates on my grandparents, parents, brothers. Pretty soon there was quiet crying on both sides. Jesus Christ, why is all so sad?? Finally she asked if I wanted to hang out Saturday after I get off work. I felt paralyzed but said yes. I imagined meeting her for coffee, chatting, whatever. Could be ok. I felt nervous about it but I felt ready to give it a shot. Then, after a long preamble of disclaimers, she said she really just wanted to spend one night with me. "Not sexually," she promised. "Just one night of being close." Yeah. Right. That's when she lost me. Not that I think she's just trying to lure me over there for a wild horizontal romp. But she's just being selfish and clueless again -- not surprising.

Worst of all, I missed two calls from SK, who is on a very long road trip from Melbourne to Sidney and who hasn't been online or able to call for a couple of days. Needless to say, I am *kicking* myself for ever taking the call from CB in the first place. Fuck.


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