Tuesday, May 02, 2006

in the absence of anxiety

Today turned out to be a good day.

I started out feeling a lot of anxiety. The anxiety started the night before my last meeting with birdlady and continued through the meeting and after the meeting and into today, where it hovered in my body like a virus and made me uncomfortable and nervous all day.

The one thing in my day which I would have guessed would only add to my trauma was actually the best thing to happen to me all week: I had my first grown-up-lady exam at the student health center. At 31, I've managed to dodge these lady-exams for a really long time, much longer than most, but I recently decided that the time had finally come, so I called up the health center and made an appointment. The nurse practitioner there who does the exams comes highly recommended and now I know why. She was *awesome* -- super sweet and super kind -- she is exactly the kind of person who needs to be in healthcare.

So, crazy as it sounds, my time with that nurse was the most comforting, kind, beneficient experience I've had in awhile. And after that ego-whooping from birdlady yesterday, I really needed the help. However, it wasn't long after I left the appointment, that all my worries about birdlady bubbled back to the surface. As soon as I got home, I wrote my disability internship professor an SOS email explaining how bad it had been recently and begging for advice.

As I've mentioned before, this prof hasn't been one-hundred-perent helpful in the past, so I wasn't sure what her response would be this time. I was pleasantly surprised, however, when she called me later and expressed a great deal of support. She was really sweet and helped me plan an exit strategy that does *not* involve ever having to see birdlady again! Yay! Let me just say that again (because I don't fully believe it yet): I never have to see birdlady again!!! Wow. That's wonderful.

We talked for almost an hour (during which time I missed two of SK's calls, unfortunately) -- and when we got off the phone I felt such a relief! The absence of anxiety in my body feels so wonderful. It's like finally being warm again after being teeth-chatteringly cold. It's like I'm finally comfortable in my skin again. Ahhhh. So nice.


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