a little more thoughtful
(Benign moralizing to follow:)
I don't like myself when I'm angry and petty. I have spent a lot of time in my little life trying to make sense of things, and my default setting has often been "angry and petty." Over the years, I've gotten a lot better, but every now and then it creeps back up on me. Sometimes it seems harmless and funny, but it almost always ends in heartache (or violent karmic retribution, like yesterday) and it's not worth it.
Why'd I get so riled up about Grey/Zelda's name name-change? What's *my* problem? If I dig a little deeper, I see that some of *my* problem has to do with my own lack of attention and my concomitant lack of a voice with which to ask for attention. I haven't given myself permission to ask for a certain kind of attention, and I feel threatened and perturbed to see Grey/Zelda blatantly demanding it.
I mean, yes, she's annoying and I don't want to psychologize the hell out of it, but the truth is still the truth: my "problem" with Zelda's name change has a lot more to do with me than it does to do with her. Instead of sitting with my strong reaction against it and trying to understand myself a little better, I fired off a crazy blog post, "venting" and hoping it all at least seemed a little comic. Then I got a wallop of karmic retribution, the consequences of which are still unfolding.
Anyway, for me at least, the best answer is never to get harder about anything, but to get softer. No need to get harder (meaner, nastier) to Zelda. Why not keep a soft, open heart about people and the world? Feels healthier. Even if Zelda is a nutjob, there's no reason I should have an aneurysm because she wants to change her name. And the fact still remains that I'm also a nutjob in my own, particular way. So why be an asshole?
I don't like myself when I'm angry and petty. I have spent a lot of time in my little life trying to make sense of things, and my default setting has often been "angry and petty." Over the years, I've gotten a lot better, but every now and then it creeps back up on me. Sometimes it seems harmless and funny, but it almost always ends in heartache (or violent karmic retribution, like yesterday) and it's not worth it.
Why'd I get so riled up about Grey/Zelda's name name-change? What's *my* problem? If I dig a little deeper, I see that some of *my* problem has to do with my own lack of attention and my concomitant lack of a voice with which to ask for attention. I haven't given myself permission to ask for a certain kind of attention, and I feel threatened and perturbed to see Grey/Zelda blatantly demanding it.
I mean, yes, she's annoying and I don't want to psychologize the hell out of it, but the truth is still the truth: my "problem" with Zelda's name change has a lot more to do with me than it does to do with her. Instead of sitting with my strong reaction against it and trying to understand myself a little better, I fired off a crazy blog post, "venting" and hoping it all at least seemed a little comic. Then I got a wallop of karmic retribution, the consequences of which are still unfolding.
Anyway, for me at least, the best answer is never to get harder about anything, but to get softer. No need to get harder (meaner, nastier) to Zelda. Why not keep a soft, open heart about people and the world? Feels healthier. Even if Zelda is a nutjob, there's no reason I should have an aneurysm because she wants to change her name. And the fact still remains that I'm also a nutjob in my own, particular way. So why be an asshole?
posted by reasonably prudent poet at 12:11 AM
2 Comments:
You know what, just because you might have some hidden psychological motives for being so put off by a grown woman changing her name, (And I'm glad you noted them), it doesn't change the fact that it is COMPLETELY weird for a grown person to change their name! Hahaha Love your blog!
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