being found out

Welcome to more of my long-winded psychologizing. I was just thinking about this process I have around being "found out." I read an interesting thing in the Sunday Times today that helped put this "process" into perspective. This story I read was about the snippet of candid (colorful) conversation accidentally recorded between Bush and Blair at the G-8 Summit last week. This wasn't the first time Bush was caught unbeknownst to him breakin' it down to his homies in the four-letter vernacular of the streets. This time he said "shit." Last time he called a New York Times reporter an asshole. That George. He really knows how to turn a phrase.

So, the story went on to remind us of some unflattering comments made by other presidents that were caught on tape in the past, from Clinton to Kennedy to Nixon -- even Ronnie was overheard making an unfunny joke about blowing up Russia when he thought the mics were off. Woops. Are we surprised to learn our leaders are not the polished gentlemen we like to think they are? Maybe. Does it end up hurting their careers? Sometimes. Does it remind us that perhaps *none* of us are as polished as we'd like to be? Yeah, I think so.

It's a little scary to realize, then, that people seem to get a lot of pleasure uncovering the bad deeds of others and denouncing them as a result. I'm sure we pounce on the bad deeds of others because we're worried about our own bad deeds and the possibility that they will soon be uncovered and pounced upon. Instead of being vindictive, defensive and sanctimonious, it would be nice if we could use our knowledge of the bad deeds of others to help us have a softer, friendlier approach to our own bad deeds. That would be better than taking pleasure in someone else's downfall while secretly hating ourselves and hourding our own bad deeds into closets and under rugs, however benign and insignificant they may seem.

I worry about being "found out," discovered as... as... what? A bad student? A bad person? I have bad grades, I have worse finances, I don't always do my best at my job, I'm sometimes a bad girlfriend. I don't want to excuse any of this stuff, I just think I need some perspective. I read about the bad deeds of the so-called good-guys in the paper today and it helps me have a context for my own "bad deeds." It helps me stop beating myself up about things. Only just a little, but it's a start.