Monday, September 18, 2006

growing up

I recently had some feedback from an anonymous commenter who, among other things, encouraged me to grow up. My first response to this comment was to think that maybe the commenter ought to *also* consider growing up, but all sniping aside, the commenter had a point. I do need to grow up.

SK and I were walking through Forest Park yesterday talking about my family and my role within it. One way I managed myself as a young person within my family was to put up a very big, well-fortified, protective wall around myself so that they couldn't hurt me or even really see me. This has involved a great deal of silence over the years: silence about my sexuality, my politics, my whole life, really. There was a time when this kind of silence felt important and necessary to stay safe, but now there's just no reason for me to keep hiding behind this big wall. SK correctly pointed out that this kind of silence and invisibility affects me in all aspects of my life from my career all the way to my physical health.

My first personally monumental act of dismantling that wall happened this morning. I frequently get forwarded emails from my family that espouse all sorts of (to me) offensive conservative rhetoric attacking all sorts of "liberal" causes. Yesterday, I got one from my so-called "favorite" aunt about illegal immigration. This message equated illegal immigrants with people who break into your house and demand to be allowed to stay because they have cleaned up your house for you and because they're only trying to better themselves. It went on to explain that the house-breakers also demand that you pay for their medical insurance, educate their kids and learn their language to communicate with them. I found the message to be fucking ridiculous and offensive and an insult to the intelligence of anyone who read it.

In the past, I have read these messages and fumed about them, but always deleted them and spent a few days feeling hopeless about my family and people like them. Why haven't I been writing messages back, countering all these stupid things?? I have given myself lots of reasons not to, including that they don't want to hear it, won't pay attention to it, or won't care. Worse, I have imagined that I'd get an onslaught of messages back telling me what a commie they think I am and uninviting me to any future family functions.

Well, those are all bad reasons. This morning, I did a little bit of research online, then wrote a very long, detailed, well-crafted explanation of some of the reasons we Americans have to take responsibility for the surge of illegal immigrants, including the disastrous effects of NAFTA on Mexico's economy and environment, and the fact that an ample number of US employers are very happy to give jobs to people they *know* are working illegally because the desire for cheap labor trumps their interest in obeying the law. If we screw up their economy and environment with NAFTA, and if we have plenty of people willing to employ them (even "illegally") here, how can we turn around and blame them for coming? I asked why we, as Americans, weren't taking responsibility for our actions and the actions of our politicians and companies and I pointed out that it was meanspirited and short-sighted to simply blame the immigrants. In the end, I returned the metaphor of the house break-in and reminded readers that our American anscestors were the first ones to break in to a "house" already occupied by Native Americans and every single person who still lives in this country today continues to benefit from that original break-in and is, in fact, still living in someone else's house.

Then I "replied to all" and sent that message to every single person who got the original message from my "favorite" aunt, including most of my aunts and uncles and my dad. We'll see if anybody even bothers to read it. I felt nervous about it, but ultimately good. I think this is one step towards growing up, although my anonymous commenter may return to tell me otherwise. And SK may return to tell me to "deepen the experience" more, all of which would be true. I'm trying. Be patient with me.

1 Comments:

Blogger stumptown dreamer said...

those branches just unfurled like a fern

glad you feel nervous

it means you are on track ;-)

8:10 PM  

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