black cat cafe, you are dead to me!!!
True, I hadn't visited my once-favorite coffeeshop in the past few months. Ever since my body started rejecting caffeine, I've been opting for a cafe down the block that keeps decaf brewed in presspots for nerds like me. But today, feeling the pull of nostalgia, I decided to go to the ol' Black Cat anyway, just for old time's sake.Well. I had a premonition that all would not be well in the first moments I was there. I recognized a few faces from my past in Portland's Southeast quadrant. You know that old addage "where there's smoke, there's fire?" Well, I thought, "where there's these folks, there might be my godawful, nasty, alcoholic ex-partner." AND I WAS RIGHT!
I had been there for one, slight hour when I looked up and saw CB of all people walk in the door. I don't think she saw me at first, or if she did, she played it cool and went straight up to the counter. My core body temperature went up about fifty degrees and I felt like I was trapped in one of those nightmares where a terrible monster has been chasing you and has suddenly cornered you in a place from which you can never escape, only the monster hasn't exactly found you yet, but he's creeping all around the room looking for you, and in only a moment he will turn and his eyes will fall on you and YOU WILL DIE.
That's what I felt like. So, in a near panic, I slipped my book back in my bag, left my beverage half-drunk on the table, and slipped out the door like a wisp of smoke. I practically ran down the sidewalk to get as far away as I could and when I turned to check for traffic before crossing the road, I saw her stupid little head poked out of the cafe door, watching me. GOD WOMAN! GET BACK ON YOUR SIDE OF TOWN!!!
AUGH! I have never walked the eight blocks from the Black Cat to my house so fast. And the whole way, I was scared that her stupid truck would suddenly sidle up next to me. Blech. I'll probably have nightmares tonight.
Why is she on my side of town?? Why is she at my coffeeshop?? I'm sure she has no idea, but that's the coffeeshop I used as a refuge from her in the winter of oh-five when she was still on her bender and I was trying to leave. I drove all the way up to Alberta from our house off Powell and 58th (for those of you who don't know, that's a good ways away) and randomly chose the Black Cat as the place I would come to study where she would be least likely to find me. I literally HID from her there. And there she was, suddenly. In my neighborhood, in my coffeeshop, ruining my afternoon.
Jesus Christ I think I have PTSD. This sucks.
posted by reasonably prudent poet at 6:13 PM
3 Comments:
oh boy! the shock of the ex-s... and then again 'why' on a more dreaming level might she reappear?
and 'who' is reappearing?
funny that she had seen you even in your most scorpionic slink... wonder what you would have said to one another had you spoken, and yes, weird to have her on your side of town...
made me laugh too, sorry, but kind of funny too..... you are funny...
she remains for me something of a nightmare figure. the last several times i talked to her (all last spring) she was so crazy and deluded, she twisted everything i said, found hope where there was none, laid ridiculous accusations and behaved like someone who was operating in her own reality. my last contact of all with her was via email -- she had suddenly started sending me messages from an account she had at one of her jobs. (remember, though, that before the emails i got that mystery text message begging me to come spend the night.) the emails were short and pretended we were still on good terms. she asked if we could get together sometime, blah blah blah. i wrote her a message and said "i don't want to have anything to do with you, you don't listen, you don't hear me, you're in another world and i don't want to be in it with you." that was the end of the emails. i don't want to see her again b/c i can't even begin to imagine what kind of bullshit she will pull. she is not a person anymore, she's just the bloated little carrying case for the alcohol sponge that is her brain.
Wow. That sounds absolutely horrendous. In some ways I'm glad my last ex lives 1000 miles away now. I dread the day I ever run into her again.
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