Friday, September 07, 2007

so many things

I am sitting here in my little hovel with the door thrown open, having just roasted coffee, the bowls full of beans still sitting out on my steps cooling, releasing their mildly toxic gases, SK sitting in my floor with her computer open before her, transcribing tapes from the seminar she just attended... and it's a beautiful thing. The air is perfect, still warm but not hot, the light is slanting earlier and earlier because fall is coming, everything smells like coffee, and I love SK and we've just had a really lovely day together. And it's not even over! We're going in an hour to a cookout at Kiwi and Malibu's house! And we bought two bottles of champagne!! I'm so happy. Nearly blissful.

Today we took a long walk in Forest Park and talked about my new commitment to nontraditional relationships. SK asked me a few interesting questions and it gave me a chance to think through and speak out loud my evolving philosophy of relationship, and it was really good. It would take too long to explain fully, and I'm sure I'll write more about it over time, but the basic gyst, the bottom line, is that I'm interested in getting to know people on an essence level, finding that spark of something behind the identity (like a soul? I don't know), in me and in others, and exploring that spark, that energy, that level of things. It's very exciting and it was exciting to talk about.

Then we saw a coyote on the path. In broad daylight, in Forest Park, just 100 yards from houses, right on the edge of the forest, in the meadow. A coyote just standing there on the path, looking at us and then looking into the bushes to his right, then looking at us again, and then looking down into the grass on his left, like maybe there were birds or chipmonks or something nearby. Why was he out during the day, I thought they were nocturnal? Was he old? Demented? Or just thrown off schedule by his proximity to people? Or just an oddball coyote, doing his own thing? We watched a long time, very quietly, then we left the meadow trail to give him his space and left by the forest trail, continuing to watch him until we were out of sight. So cool to see wild creatures. I feel very fortunate.

I bought a book called "The Ethical Slut" the other day. I saw it in the porno section of the magazine shop where I took my brother and then, after he was gone and I was back from my camping trip, I went back down there and bought it. It is the classic primer on nontraditional relationships. I don't know why I never read it before. I got my education in nontraditional relationships (or at least had my interest sparked) by reading about Georgia O'Keeffe and Alfred Stieglitz, and by reading "Henry and June" by Anais Nin. I somehow never bothered to look for other sources of information, which is unlike me because I usually look for books to teach me everything I want to know and I have shelves full of books about sex and sexuality. But no books about relationships.

So I've been reading this book and basically just nodding my head a lot and wishing I could give copies of it to everybody I know. So far I haven't hit anything ground breaking or enlightening, I'm just getting a lot of affirmation. Yes, other people have thought the same thoughts I think, have felt the same feelings. I'm not crazy. It helps, sometimes, to realize you're not alone, even if the people around you seem to think you're off your rocker. I may be off my rocker as far as you're concerned, but there are others who beg to differ. At least a few...

Anyway, so it's an exciting time. Things with SK are lovely, she is right now my dearest friend and I'm so thankful she's in my life. But she returns to England in October, and I head off for two weeks to visit my family then as well. Our time here together is drawing to a close and I guess we'll spend a lot of time together trying to get the most out of it. Then we'll both move into our next things. Maybe I'll get a better job once the summer is over? Who knows. Maybe I'll finally start writing again, seriously. Maybe I'll buy a kayak and keep going year round. :-) Maybe I'll have a hundred girlfriends and die from too much happiness. Or maybe I'll find I have to balance it all out with a year of solitude. Maybe I'll decide to be a monk like the monk I met on my camping trip last weekend. Gay, HIV+, celibate, American, ordained monk in the Tibetan tradition. Well, I obviously won't be *just* like him... but you know what I mean. It's all kind of inspiring really. I'm excited to see what's coming.


Blogger heather said...

the ethical slut is a GREAT book in my opinion, not that i've had a chance to be slutty. :-p

sounds like a lovely day, and really a good time in your life. you're fortunate.

8:17 PM  
Blogger roro said...

Blissful sounding day! How awesome.

And I second heather - the Ethical Slut is fantastic. I long ago decided that, while I'm not against polyamory in principle, I don't have the emotional (or, let's face it, physical) energy to live my life that way. But all the book's advice about how to communicate is something I've found really useful in all my relationships, naked and otherwise. Huzzah!

10:07 AM  

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