Saturday, June 03, 2006

to live a good life

I was just wondering, as I walked back from the coffeeshop, if it is at all possible to construct for one's self a good life. I don't know if I'm just depressed or if this is a perpetual state of being, a fact of life: I have no idea what to do with my life to make myself happy. I can set up a series of structures that feel good to me, based on my own little value system: I can choose to live a certain way, to eat a certain way, to take the bus to work, to recycle, to buy local, etc. I can also choose to fill my time with things that seem important to me: reading, writing, and... and what?

I sit on my ass reading and writing too much. That's part of my problem. And when my relationships feel out of whack, *I* feel out of whack. And what do I do after I've been sitting there reading and writing all day and I find myself feeling lonely? Where are my friends? Where is the love I'm supposed to have in my life? Am I incapable of managing happilly without the constant input of another person? One, close person? What happens to me when I'm left to my own devices? Do I curl up and whither like a leaf on the ground?

I don't know what to do with myself.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home