Friday, February 02, 2007


It's February and thus begins my second month of barstudy, or what I'm now calling Phase 2. It's time for me to kick it up a notch, as they say. Tonight, kicking it up a notch meant studying fifty percent more than usual. It meant that, when I left my desk to take my relaxing bath break, instead of bringing an interesting library book into the suds with me, I brough my Sales outline and my stopwatch. Kicking it up a notch is INTENSE.

I notice something kind of weird happening now, though. When all this started back at the beginning of January (feels like 100 years ago) I was in a real fight with it. I didn't want to study, I resisted it at every turn, I was really, acutely miserable. Week two was, I think, the worst. And then, somewhere in the middle of week three, I just started to lose my spirit. I didn't have the strength to fight it anymore, I just gave in. I still stopped after a reasonable time and kept interesting books by the bed and in the bathroom for those down-time breaks, but otherwise, I was resigned to my daily studies.

Well... now it's like a kind of Stockholm Syndrome has set in. I am identifying with my captor! Now I find it hard to concentrate on my interesting library books. I just took a whole slew of them back without hardly opening them! And I'm thinking about my studies when I'm not doing them. Just yesterday in the middle of a meeting at work I interjected my opinion that we could sue an apartment manager for lying to us about something, and to support this opinion I spouted off an entire paragraph of my contracts outline as though my mouth had been taken over by the spirit of some long dead contracts attorney. Pigtails just looked at me and said "wow" when I was done. Then I felt ridiculous.

Weirdest of all, when I've studied all day and have decided to stop... after a few minutes sort of puttering around and listening to music, I start thinking... "you know, I could do a little more outlining tonight. I'm still fresh, I could knock out another few pages." WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

I anticipate a major crash after this thing is over. I won't know what to do with myself and I'll probably be inexplicably depressed for a week or so. Until the massive anxiety sets in regarding my exam results. I guess that will occupy me until April 27th, just in time for spring to get really cooking. Providing I don't fail, I'll be due to bounce back right around the beginning of summer. Perfect.


Anonymous Shelley said...

I crashed after I found out I passed -- a sort of "what the hell now?" thing.

You'll do great, honest. It sounds like you're really absorbing the material and applying it, which is what you need to.

When I was studying, every time my husband and I drove by Cypress St. in Hillsboro (near the hallowed pizzaria), I had to explain Cy pres to him. It was pretty funny -- you really spot issues everywhere.

8:13 AM  
Blogger reasonably prudent poet said...

so funny you say that b/c i bought a bottle of cypress wine a couple of weeks ago and it's sitting up on my counter... everytime i look up, there it is:cy pres. if there's one thing i'll remember when the time comes, it's cy pres.

9:24 AM  
Blogger stumptown dreamer said...

barstudy i read as "barstardy"
my synesthetic mind at work again

you are doing amazingly

i am so proud of you


12:34 PM  
Blogger reasonably prudent poet said...

ah, "bastardy" -- an old-school action brought in court to determine the paternity of an illegitimate child and impose obligations on the father. legal issues are *everywhere*

5:34 PM  

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