Friday, March 23, 2007

glimpses of my identity crisis

Ok, I know this isn't a big deal. I still have my health, I have food and a place to live. I have an education... too much education, if you ask me. I am poised to enter professional life, with my professional degree in hand...

But, you know, I don't really want to enter professional life. I mean, my student loan debt won't allow me much room for recalcitrance, but still... I'll do it, but I won't like it.

For instance, my earrings. I will have to do something about them because they aren't very professional. My ears are full of standard-issue, surgical steel, circular barbells. These are not the pearls or diamond studs of my future colleagues. These are the ubiquitious badges of late-90's tattoo culture. And I *like* these ubiquitous badges. I don't want to change them out.

I could write a lot right now about the struggle to jump classes, from blue collar to white. I could write a lot about how my gender expression will be challenged within this very conservative field I have chosen for myself. I could speculate that perhaps I chose this very conservative field for the express purpose of having that challenge. Who knows.

All I know is that, right now, I feel I'm being forced by circumstances to walk the plank: take off the earrings, put on a professional disguise and try to convince someone to hire me. It makes me feel dirty inside. And angry. And scared.

Is it too late to run away with the circus?


Blogger zuhn said...

You know, you might be right. Maybe we really are the same person after all.

3:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why do you have to get rid of them? I've told you about the individual who graduated a year ahead of us who works in my firm. I know there is room for you to be who you are - and still pay off the law school debts.

9:28 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home