Thursday, May 08, 2008

don't wanna get dooced...

Once again I'm killing the last ten minutes of my work day with a blog. Just waiting until I can leave for my bus and hoping the guys in IT have all gone home and stopped monitoring our computer footprint for now.

I feel like my life is very different now than it was six months ago, and even DIFFERENTER than it was a year ago. One major, but sorta mundane, change is that I'm hardly online anymore. At first I blamed that shift on my relationship with Mahavira. I had less empty time to kill and less reason to hop online. Then I started my sex blog and all that changed. I didn't have so much empty time, but I suddenly had plenty to write about.

Now I've come to realize that my renewed and ongoing lack of interest in the computer has much more to do with my new job. Now that I sit at a desk in front of a computer most of my work day, going home and sitting in front of a computer looks pretty dismal to me. For years I've heard this from friends, and now I know it's true! For some reason I never quite believed that's why they weren't returning my emails...

Fortunately my persistant yet cyclical urge to write is beginning to kick back in. I am prone to go through dormant phases, especially when life itself changes and becomes more compelling and exciting than usual. Like these past five months with Mahavira: every day was this new, awesome experience with her and I was too busy jumping in with both feet and living it to feel much need to reflect. Sure, there was the sex blog, but my energy for that petered out (no pun intended) pretty fast.

Now that things with Mahavira are moving to new levels, and now that her ongoing presence in my life isn't so brand new and shocking, I'm finally starting to relax a little and accumulate ideas of things to write about. The dormant phases are always a little depressing and scary: it's weird to feel a big blank where my imagination used to be. But it feels especially exciting when the creativity starts to creep back in.

Hopefully I can translate some of that creativity into more regular blog-posting so I don't lose my precious, precious readers who I love and adore so much...


Blogger not drowning waving said...

yay to stabilization when it brings creativity out and new writings and bloggings!
celebrations for co-habitation dreaming and all good things happening this springtime.

10:48 PM  
Blogger Paige Jennifer said...

Feh, your readers aren't going anywhere. Plus, those of us who also blog completely understand the lulls in creative urges. Oh man do we get it.

6:04 AM  
Blogger heather said...

that's the great thing about RSS feeds. they pay attention when i'm not. easy to follow the most sporadic of posters. =)

totally hear about the computer-OD thing. which is why historically speaking, i write either very late, very early, or on the weekend. or not at all. lately i've taken to writing by hand, then periodically uploading it. which is annoying because i am a very fast typist but have crappy handwriting.

however, now i gots lots of free time at work, normally, so actually i'm writing during the day. and yes that still feels odd. but good.

9:50 AM  
Blogger south carolina girl said...

i ain't been into the blogging so much either. much to talk about but too tired to type it and most too personal. i write around it by picking out songs of the day.

5:51 PM  
Blogger mcCutcheon said...

pfft.. you won't just loose us that easily :)

I know what you mean though about the computer-problem. Since I've been working I have dreaded turning on the pc at home (unless it's the download-and-watch-tv-shows-computer). I think basically the last time I had my laptop on was maybe two weeks ago, can't even bother to update my ipod. Now I blog from work. And I even started just blogging from my phone lately rather than getting the laptop. How lame is that?

3:06 AM  

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