i get sad when the sun goes down

Sounds like a country song.

There's only so much I can do to keep myself busy and time alone is sometimes distressing. Today I studied income tax for about 6 hours (with a heavy mix of procrastination: checking repeatedly for emails that didn't come, writing half a short story for a contest I just read about, reading about short story contests, etc) -- and now I am "home" at K's house. I even took her dog for a walk. And now, it's five, and the sun is going down. And so am I.

At seven I'm going to open meditation at the Shambhala center. That will last two hours. I can leave at 6:30 to get there in time. But what do I do for the next hour and a half? I can't study any more, I don't want to sit here with this freaking computer, it's already attached to my lap like a tumor all the time anyway. It's too cold to enjoy anything outdoors (my nose hasn't thawed from the dog walk yet). What do I do??

I want to run from this sadness that comes on at night, but I don't think that will help. Running is exactly opposite of what I know I should do. Running is opposite of what I'm reading about in my Pema Chodron book, and she should know, she's Pema Chodron! She knows everything. It's like running from monsters in a dream -- if you run, they keep pursuing you. Or that addage: what you resist, persists. So true.

So what do I do? Sit here feeling sad? Or, perhaps, I go eat pad thai somewhere and read the newspaper? Is that the same as running? I don't know. I'll think about it while I'm on the cushion at the Shambhala center later.