Thursday, December 15, 2005

trouble sleeping

I'm having trouble sleeping lately -- waking repeatedly through the night. I can't seem to get comfortable. Maybe it's this bed, or that this room stays so cold all the time. Maybe I miss sleeping with CB, after 2 years, that's got to make some kind of difference. Even when things were very bad, I could frequently still sleep soundly in the bed with her, as long as she was sleeping too, or otherwise behaving. I toss and turn and think idly of mog and how we both like to have our backs tickled. I think how nice it could be to blatantly, knowingly use each other for that minor comfort. "I'll come over, tickle your back, play with your hair till you fall asleep. Then, in the morning, I'll be up and out before you ever crack an eye." There's nothing at all wrong with an arrangment like that, in my opinion. Except that I don't want to replace one set of dependent patterns with another. But once in awhile? To sleep in mog's bed again curled like puppies. Why not?

Best not to think about it. Remember, I've been mog-dumped. Better to move on and leave fantasies behind. They don't, after all, help me sleep anyway.


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