learning

I notice I'm shaking as I lift this
tiny cup -- jasmine tea -- to drink, as if
terrified to order pad thai,
sit at this table alone,
read. Why is this frightening?

(The new hipsters of this newly hip
neighborhood sit clustered, eating pho,
watching each other watch themselves --
I'm certainly not afraid of them.)

To sit at this table alone is to sit
at the table with a terrible
monster and that monster is
my life, lived at my discretion,
alone.