making a human of robotic me

SK is making a human of me. I'm not sure how. I'm not sure why her and no one before her. I don't really understand what's happening. I just know that I'm captivated and terrified. I want something so badly yet I clench up, resist, shut-down, back away. But keep some flicker of a tiny, dim light on in some window of my soul which she sees and reaches for and I find myself drawn up and out, a little more each time. It's amazing, really. Fucking unreal.

This is like nothing ever before. I feel all the time right on the verge of annihilating her. Annihilating the relationship. Not because I want to and not because she or it is so terribly delicate -- I just feel we are so precarious. I feel our mortality like Superman must've felt his own in the ice-fortress after giving up his powers to be with the human Lois Lane. How shocking that must have been. Suddenly freezing! Suddenly hurt! What is this?? This miracle of temporality, mortality, the mysterious ephemera of life!! To be drunk in love with something so terrifying! So, in fact, terminal!

I feel we are walking a narrow path across a high mountain pass and any false move will destroy us. Yet the experience is the all of our existence and to abdicate it would be a fate worse than death. Eternal, soulless boredom and a heart completely numbed, in isolation.

To borrow from the man in black, because she's mine, I'll walk that line.