died and gone to heaven

Last night at roller derby, sitting in the "crash zone" so near those brute, powerful women racing round the rink, sitting amongst all these sweet Portland hipsters and dykes and families and everybody, hanging out with two cool chicks, sharing between us all a Nalgene bottle full of Vitamin Water and gin, I looked around at everything and thought I'd died and gone to heaven. And not just because of the derby, but my whole life. My date the night before (so spectacular I can't even bring myself to try and write about it here), my kayaking friends, all my activities. All that pleasure I think I wrote about yesterday.

And I wondered how long you're supposed to just hang around in heaven, enjoying all those pleasures... Seems like it can only go on for so long and then it's back to the grindstone... Is that fatalistic, or realistic? I don't know.

Part of this "heaven" is probably the Wellbutrin. My happy pill. I've been on and off it for awhile. I always forget the side-effects. I just started taking it again a couple weeks ago and here are the things I forgot: it makes my mouth dry all the time, it makes me wake up every morning around 5am and it makes it very hard to fall back to sleep, and it makes my appetite disappear. I've hardly eaten anything in the past week. I can feel that I'm hungry and I can feel that I need to eat, I just don't want to. Until I've gone so long my stomach starts digesting itself, then I eat. And I eat a lot. I've lost weight for sure. My tummy pudge is totally gone. Nothing but a flat plane there now. It's weird. But that might also have something to do with all the crunches I've been doing...

Wow, I'm just rambling. Sorry. Getting in my daily posts for NaBloPoMo seems to encourage digressive little meanderings. I'm about to take a bath and read "Madame Bovary" for awhile. Then I'm meeting Waspy downtown for a drink. Tomorrow I'm going rollerskating where I will fantasize about doing roller derby and I will be secretly testing out my skills to see if maybe I could actually go for it. Though I hear they practice like four nights a week and I work at night so that probably won't work out for me...

Ok, going to the bath. OH! And I got sort of tagged by Melinda to come up with a list of straight women I would turn queer if I could... this is quite a task and I will have to think on it before I'm ready to jump in. And thanks for singing happy birthday to me on your blog, Mel, I tried to post a comment but for some reason my browser just wouldn't navigate me into your comment section. Ok. Enough. Goodbye.