Thursday, December 13, 2007

brain goo

It was bound to happen. Things with Mahavira are kind of making me crazy. She's awesome, hot, brilliant and insanely compelling... but the logistics are total crap. I get off work at midnight and take the bus over to her house (more nights than not). We sit up on her loveseat smoking pot and drinking beer and having long, crazy talks about all sorts of shit until about 2 or 2:30, then we begin to stumble towards the bed. There are bed-appropriate activities. And then there is sleep, somewhere between 3:30 and 4. Then there is waking, somewhere between 9:30 and noon. All the windows have been covered with thick blankets and only the slimmest glimmer of light leaks through. She makes really good tea and we sit on the bed and drink it in the dark until one of us has to leave. It's strange how our whole relationship is evolving in the dark -- we'll end up like crazy cave-moles with no eyes and iridescent skin.

On the one hand this is all very magical and sweet. All the darkness and the intensity. On the other hand, jesus christ I'm sleep deprived! By the end of the week I'm a doddering maniac (thanks to Joolie for putting the word "doddering" on the tip of my tounge). And as alluring as the pot is after a long night at work, pot makes my brain unhappy and confused. My already loose grasp of the space-time continuum gets looser and I get relationally paranoid. It's not that fun. On top of all that, I'm losing very valueable ME-time on the days after. Waking at noon is all fine and good OCCASIONALLY, but this is not a lifestyle I'm prepared to maintain. I like to get up around 8 or 8:30, drink my coffee, check my email, take a hot bath, read a book, yadda yadda etc, all before I have to pack myself off to work at 4.

I think it's time for me to draw the line. I have to let the Mahavira know that this lifestyle is temporary. And maybe next week I'll pull the reins in a bit, sleep at my own house more, etc. It's going to be difficult to navigate a relationship with the Mahavira with all these time-constraints, but maybe I'll get that day job I've got my eye on... that might help. Otherwise, I'm going a little crazy here and I'm starting to not enjoy it...


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