the tide has shifted
1.) After writing my whiny christmas post, I ended up feeling a lot better. I guess I just needed to purge. It's not that I'm totally in love with christmas all of a sudden, I just don't feel so traumatized. Thanks to those of you who posted sweet, supportive comments, although you guys are giving me too much reinforcement for my self-indulgence. You should be careful with that...
2.) Christmas started looking especially awesome today when I got a package in the mail from my mother containing an effing iPod nano. Not a shuffle. A nano. Being the techo-tard that I am, I didn't realize this was a good thing until I got to work and started talking about it. The peoples were impressed. And I am really impressed with my mom who may have made up for at least three or four years of childhood bullshit by sending me such an awesome gift. Even more astonishing, she sent a bunch of clothes... wait for it... THAT I ACTUALLY LIKE. That right there is a christmas miracle.
3.) My iPod glee quickly turned to frustration, angst and then gloom when I realized that my fancy new iPod is much, much fancier than my old, crankley iBook. In fact, in order to put songs on my fancy new iPod I will have to upgrade my operating system. That's a bummer and definitely delays my gratification but... fuck... I guess I've gone this long without a sleek, sexy little video-screen-having piece of expensive electronic equipment, a couple more weeks won't hurt me...
4.) Mahavira keeps me up nights... which is nothing but a good thing.
5.) Speaking of which, I was aggressively hit on last weekend at a Lesbian Breakfast Club function! I was shocked! Contrary to popular belief, I don't go around getting hit on left and right. In fact, I'm rarely hit on and much more often find myself in the (very comfy) role of the pursuer. I was absolutely shocked when this woman I'd only met once before practically crawled in my lap at a bar called Echo on MLK where we'd all met for drinks. It started out innocently enough -- she was sitting two seats down from me and we were having an interesting conversation. Suddenly she said to the person in between us "I'm sorry, I feel like I'm just yelling over top of you. I'll move." That's when she got up and dragged her chair IN BETWEEN me and the woman sitting next to me so that (ostensibly) we could carry on the conversation without trapping anyone in the middle. I tried to back my chair up a little to give her more room, but we were already crowded around the table and there was someone right next to me preventing my escape.
Not only did she stay right there, right in my lap until she left, she continued to engage me in conversation, looking at me with big huge doe eyes, laughing at everything I said, and touching me repeatedly. At first it was flattering, then amusing, then it was just obnoxious. She completely monopolized me and I had no idea how to tactfully back her off. I was glad that she and her friend were leaving early, I could finally breathe freely and start chatting with the rest of the ladies. It was so awkward and almost tacky, I desperately wanted to say something about it after she left. Something like, "What the fuck was that???" But I didn't.
I have to admit, though, that being flirted with like that (by a super-cute chick, no less) was pretty hypnotic. The more vodka-cran I drank, the more appealing the whole thing felt... until my good sense won out and I realized how cheap it all was. I looked into her big doe eyes, felt her knee against my leg and knew I could run with it if I wanted. She was practically throwing herself at me. And I bet it would've been fun... for, like, a minute. Then I would've looked up and wondered what the fuck I was doing. I don't even know that chick, I don't know anything about her, and making out with her would've been the equivalent of eating a whole pile of candy bars just because they were there. Gross.
Of course I told Mahavira all about it as soon as possible -- I had a huge urge to confess and I also had the tiniest desire to see if she'd get jealous. She did. Then I felt bad. But all my ridiculous drama aside, the bottom line is that I ultimately did not want to make out with that chick from the Breakfast Club and I feel strangely attached and dedicated to Mahavira in a way that shocks me, but nonetheless is real and true. She's such a powerhouse, such a fantasy, so compelling and interesting and passionate and fascinating... everybody else pales in comparison. Why waste my time. In short: Mahavira may be the only person on earth who could inspire in me a very congruent experience of monogamy. And that's saying something.