procrastination: understood, overcome
SK has frequently encouraged me to try and better understand my tendency to procrastinate. And, you know, I was *going* to try and better understand it, but I never really got around to it...
Ha ha. But seriously, I never got far. It was like I wasn't asking myself the right questions or looking in the right directions. Just the other day, though, something just came to me out of the ethers and I suddenly understood my tendency to procrastinate in a whole new way.
I was sitting in class making a "to-do" list for later. Often, when I'd like to pretend I'm not procrastinating, I make "to-do" lists. By making the lists, I seem to be "doing" something while not actually "doing" the things I need to do. Those things just go on the list.
So I was sitting in class making my to-do list and it suddenly occurred to me to wonder who I imagined would be doing those things "later" rather than "sooner?" If I didn't want to do those things in the present moment, then who did I imagine I would be in a few hours or days if not the same person, still not wanting to do those things.
I realized, when I thought about it a moment, that when I put things off for later (especially complicated or onerous projects) I actually imagined a different version of myself would be there to complete them, a version of myself who was somehow better able to deal with those things. I realized that, without actually naming it, I had split myself into a "present me" who was lazy, and a "future me" who was responsible. Not just responsible, I realized I had embued "future me" with lots of great qualities: "future me" was smarter, more confident, more articulate and more thorough. "Future me" was somehow really grown up and mature, like the big sister, while "present me" was kind of a whiny, bratty little sister, always dragging her feet and complaining.
As it was, "present me" was always passing off all the hard stuff to "future me," ensuring that "future me" always had a harder time and never really got a break. It is clear that this attitude spreads to all areas of life including finances -- if I use borrowed money or credit cards now, it's just an example of "present me" doing something easy in the moment that "future me" will literally have to pay for later.
A radical (if obvious) realignment of this situation seems to fix everything. Start with the premise that, if "future me" can exist at all (in ten minutes or five days) then she can (and does) exist right now. If I can be smarter and more responsible tomorrow, I can be smarter and more responsible today, I just have to pick it up and identify with it in the present. This effectively swaps the roles of "future" and "present" me. Rather than theoretically living all the "breaks" in the present while forcing myself to pay for those breaks later, I will now be keeping up with all the work in the present and fully paying for the breaks that I will be able to more legitimately enjoy in the future.
Are you still with me? Because, even though "present me" lives the breaks, she doesn't really enjoy them because, deep down, she's worried about all the stuff that she's not taking care of. She might steal the free time away from "future me," but she can't really appreciate it because she knows that time isn't really free. By switching these roles, everybody's happier. I could (and probably should) go deeper into who "present me" really is and why she needs laziness and free time and space so much. But for now, I will put her and her need in the future and draw the more responsible version of myself back to the present so that I can get some work done.
I have to say, it feels much better this way.
Ha ha. But seriously, I never got far. It was like I wasn't asking myself the right questions or looking in the right directions. Just the other day, though, something just came to me out of the ethers and I suddenly understood my tendency to procrastinate in a whole new way.
I was sitting in class making a "to-do" list for later. Often, when I'd like to pretend I'm not procrastinating, I make "to-do" lists. By making the lists, I seem to be "doing" something while not actually "doing" the things I need to do. Those things just go on the list.
So I was sitting in class making my to-do list and it suddenly occurred to me to wonder who I imagined would be doing those things "later" rather than "sooner?" If I didn't want to do those things in the present moment, then who did I imagine I would be in a few hours or days if not the same person, still not wanting to do those things.
I realized, when I thought about it a moment, that when I put things off for later (especially complicated or onerous projects) I actually imagined a different version of myself would be there to complete them, a version of myself who was somehow better able to deal with those things. I realized that, without actually naming it, I had split myself into a "present me" who was lazy, and a "future me" who was responsible. Not just responsible, I realized I had embued "future me" with lots of great qualities: "future me" was smarter, more confident, more articulate and more thorough. "Future me" was somehow really grown up and mature, like the big sister, while "present me" was kind of a whiny, bratty little sister, always dragging her feet and complaining.
As it was, "present me" was always passing off all the hard stuff to "future me," ensuring that "future me" always had a harder time and never really got a break. It is clear that this attitude spreads to all areas of life including finances -- if I use borrowed money or credit cards now, it's just an example of "present me" doing something easy in the moment that "future me" will literally have to pay for later.
A radical (if obvious) realignment of this situation seems to fix everything. Start with the premise that, if "future me" can exist at all (in ten minutes or five days) then she can (and does) exist right now. If I can be smarter and more responsible tomorrow, I can be smarter and more responsible today, I just have to pick it up and identify with it in the present. This effectively swaps the roles of "future" and "present" me. Rather than theoretically living all the "breaks" in the present while forcing myself to pay for those breaks later, I will now be keeping up with all the work in the present and fully paying for the breaks that I will be able to more legitimately enjoy in the future.
Are you still with me? Because, even though "present me" lives the breaks, she doesn't really enjoy them because, deep down, she's worried about all the stuff that she's not taking care of. She might steal the free time away from "future me," but she can't really appreciate it because she knows that time isn't really free. By switching these roles, everybody's happier. I could (and probably should) go deeper into who "present me" really is and why she needs laziness and free time and space so much. But for now, I will put her and her need in the future and draw the more responsible version of myself back to the present so that I can get some work done.
I have to say, it feels much better this way.
posted by reasonably prudent poet at 3:01 PM
2 Comments:
In law school I read a book called "The NOW Habit," which I'd read about on a legal practice blog. The author is Neil Fiore...a very helpful book for getting to the root of procrastination & "fixing" it.
deep blog Prudent poet
and lovely that you dont marginalize either present or future
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