happy almost birthday
My birthday isn't until next Friday, but my kayaking friends are throwing me and Adventure Girl a joint birthday surprise thing tonight. They're a pretty sweet bunch and I'm really happy I know them, but...
Well, I'm just having to learn a certain kind of grace with people. I tend to get squirrelly around my birthday, I get a little depressed, I go into a weird funk, and I don't always handle attention from people well. I have tried having non-birthdays and I have tried having big birthday things over which I retain sole control. The latter has worked best: I plan something, I make everybody do it, and I'm satisfied, if not *happy* about it all.
I get weird, though, when people start doing things for me. It blows my circuitry a little. It's all a bunch of under-processed childhood stuff, not feeling worthy of the attention, or not liking the strings that come along with it. Somewhere along the way, I made myself into an almost completely self-contained unit and I find it tricky to accept unexpected input from outside my own tiny universe.
So this will be a challenge. I'll tell you a story later about a birthday misadventure that I regret to this day. Ranks in the top three of things I'm most ashamed of. But for now I'm gonna go hop in the bath and get myself ready for my night on the town. We paddled this morning, a gorgeous paddle on Smith Bybee Lakes, but I'm not able to post the pictures because I accidentally forgot to put the memory card back in my camera this morning, which means the pictures are trapped in the internal memory and I can't access them. Which sucks. But oh well. Just trust me, it was really gorgeous.
Well, I'm just having to learn a certain kind of grace with people. I tend to get squirrelly around my birthday, I get a little depressed, I go into a weird funk, and I don't always handle attention from people well. I have tried having non-birthdays and I have tried having big birthday things over which I retain sole control. The latter has worked best: I plan something, I make everybody do it, and I'm satisfied, if not *happy* about it all.
I get weird, though, when people start doing things for me. It blows my circuitry a little. It's all a bunch of under-processed childhood stuff, not feeling worthy of the attention, or not liking the strings that come along with it. Somewhere along the way, I made myself into an almost completely self-contained unit and I find it tricky to accept unexpected input from outside my own tiny universe.
So this will be a challenge. I'll tell you a story later about a birthday misadventure that I regret to this day. Ranks in the top three of things I'm most ashamed of. But for now I'm gonna go hop in the bath and get myself ready for my night on the town. We paddled this morning, a gorgeous paddle on Smith Bybee Lakes, but I'm not able to post the pictures because I accidentally forgot to put the memory card back in my camera this morning, which means the pictures are trapped in the internal memory and I can't access them. Which sucks. But oh well. Just trust me, it was really gorgeous.
posted by reasonably prudent poet at 4:20 PM
2 Comments:
happy start to your Birthday week RPP! May it be full of celebrations, and hopefully last nights was a good start.
great that you got to go Kayaking too. wonderful!
Celebrations to you!
Hey, Happy Birthday. I feel you on the whole birthday thing. I don't know what to do about them myself. Mine is a week from xmas, so it is easy to ignore if I want. But then that never completely works either. I feel like I ought to celebrate it, but then I don't really want to either. No on has ever planned anything for me on my b-day, and I am grateful for that because I would hate to lose that control. But then I could see how it would also be flattering to have someone go to the trouble.
Interested to see how it goes for you.
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